I’ve never been the type to wish bad things on anyone, and I’m not about to start. But with narcissists, their actions eventually catch up to them. They’re stuck in their own minds, constantly reminded of all the relationships they’ve messed up, whether it’s with their kids, spouses, parents, friends, or coworkers.
Narcissists look down on almost everyone.
They’re always competing, driven by jealousy and envy, and sometimes they even wish others would disappear.
What keeps them going is seeing others unhappy.
That’s why they spread so much negativity, gaslighting, twisting the truth, and acting like things that happened years ago never did.
Narcissists are always looking for the next exciting thing, whether it’s a new person or a new situation, while still keeping the people they know around. They can’t just stick with one relationship, whether it’s romantic or a friendship, because they crave drama and chaos.
Narcissists are trapped by their toxic cycles, but we’ve broken free and are healing.
This is why their past keeps haunting them. When the narcissist had someone like you in their life, they messed it up completely. Instead of appreciating you, they worked hard to ruin the relationship. While you were trying to fix the problems they caused on purpose, they were busy making things worse behind your back.
That’s why their toxic behavior just keeps going in circles..
The big difference now is that you and I are out of that mess. We’ve moved on and are healing, leaving the past behind. We’re not perfect and we’ve made our own mistakes too. I know I do, but I try to own up to them and make things right.
Narcissists, on the other hand, think they’re perfect..
They believe they never make mistakes and can just erase the past to fit whatever story they want. They stay in control by changing how others see their relationships and situations, which gives them a lot of power..
The narcissist’s smear campaign paints them as the perfect parent while erasing all your hard work.
A smear campaign is when a narcissist lies about you to anyone who will listen, whether it’s people you know or strangers. Imagine being married to a narcissist. Back then, you might not have seen their real side, but now you do. Instead of supporting your parenting choices, they were working against them.
If you had kids or stepkids, they weren’t helping, they were making things harder for you..
When the relationship ended whether they left you or you left them, they started pretending they were the perfect parent. They claimed they were always involved with the kids, going to every event, and taking care of everything.
Did they do some of that? Maybe a little..
But mostly, they were off looking for new sources of attention while you did all the hard work of parenting.
After the split, they made it look like you didn’t do anything. Even though you paid the bills, took care of the family, and were there for the kids, they downplayed your efforts. You were probably someone who gave a lot, tried to make everyone happy, and had a big heart.
The narcissist ruined the relationship on purpose to play the victim and rewrite the story.
The narcissist knew exactly how to take advantage of you, which is why their past keeps catching up with them. They had something really special with you, and they knew it. They didn’t mess up the relationship because they couldn’t control themselves, they did it to make you suffer and get sympathy by pretending to be the victim.
They wanted to look like the wronged one and make it seem like everything bad they said about you was true.
By pushing you away, they could rewrite the story however they wanted..
If you were in love with a narcissist and didn’t realize they were spreading lies about you, you probably faced a lot of abuse. The narcissist knew this all along. That’s why these relationships always end, it’s just a matter of whether you’ll notice the pattern and figure things out before they toss you aside.
The narcissist stays in relationships for personal gain, not for love or support.
The narcissist will stick around in a relationship as long as they’re getting something out of it. Whether it’s money, property, help with kids, or waiting for a big payout, they’ll hang on until they’ve taken everything they can. They might even be waiting for a big inheritance or insurance money from a family member.
Unlike you, who values relationships for their mutual support and respect, the narcissist is just focused on what they can get before moving on to new people..
To them, showing empathy is a weakness, love is strange, and real care is something to be ignored. They keep changing their persona to manipulate others, finding new victims or recycling old ones.
Sometimes, they meet someone just as toxic or worse, and they get tricked. But they always think there’s something better ahead, believing they can keep moving up from one relationship to the next, no matter how things turn out.
The narcissist moves on for attention and validation, not for love or genuine connection.
Sometimes it’s baffling to see the narcissist move on to someone who seems so different from you. You might think, “They went from me to that? What were they thinking?” If you’ve had that feeling, share your thoughts in the comments!
For narcissists, it’s not about who’s the most attractive or richest..
What really matters to them is how they’re perceived and the attention they get. As long as their new partner is giving them praise and admiration, they’re happy.
It doesn’t matter if the new person isn’t a supermodel or wealthy, what counts is the boost to their ego..
Narcissists are always looking for validation and leave their old partners feeling drained and diminished. If you were involved with a narcissist, you might have lost a bit of yourself, becoming just another part of their game. They’re experts at making others feel like they’re just there to serve their needs and desires..
Cutting ties with a narcissist means accepting painful sacrifices, from pets to friendships and even personal memories.
When you realize you’re dealing with a narcissist, it’s crucial to cut ties and move on. This means blocking them, stopping all communication, and cutting out anyone who’s still connected to them from your life.
Be ready for some tough losses..
I’ve talked about this in a few articles recently. Breaking up with a narcissist often means losing a lot. For example, you might end up losing a cherished pet because the narcissist might take it and claim they’re the better owner, just to keep it away from you.
You might also see your friendships and work relationships fall apart..
Friends and coworkers might drift away, and your kids or stepkids could get caught in the middle. Even things you used to love, like your favorite clothes, perfumes, songs, places, and cars, might be affected. The losses can be significant, and it can be really tough emotionally.
The narcissist’s past will eventually catch up with them, forcing them to face the consequences of their actions.
Here’s why the past will catch up with a narcissist. As they get older, they’ll have to deal with the mess they’ve made like money problems, emotional damage, sometimes physical harm, mean words, and broken relationships.
Do they think about this all the time? Not really..
They might remember it when someone from their past, like you, crosses their mind or when they’re in quiet moments like when their phone dies or they’re stuck in traffic.
When they finally have to face their actions, that’s when it hits them hard..
That’s why narcissists often need time away from you, their new partners, or even from everyone. They need these breaks to deal with all the negativity inside them. They used to dump their problems on you, but now they’ll find someone else to take it out on.
When you’re gone, the narcissist hides in the shadows, resetting before finding their next target.
When you leave, and the narcissist starts searching for someone new to manipulate, they need to hide who they really are. They might check into a run-down motel, like a $50-a-night place. They’ll turn off the lights, leave the door unlocked, and crank up the TV to drown out their own troubling thoughts.
In this shabby place, they sort through their issues for a bit before coming back out with their usual fake persona..
This is how they reset and prepare to charm and control someone new, just like they did with you and will keep doing with others.
When you’re not around, it’s tough to know where they are or what they’re up to. Even if you use tracking devices, there’s no guarantee they’ll be where the tracker says they are.
Even when sitting beside you, the narcissist craves attention from others and manipulates you into chasing them.
Even when you were sitting right next to the narcissist, they might have looked like they were with you but were actually glued to their phone, chatting with others. While you thought they were watching the movie with you, they were secretly enjoying the attention they were getting from someone else.
When you called them out, they’d brush it off by saying things like, “It’s just a movie. I’m working.” But you could tell they weren’t actually working, just messing around.
When you questioned them, they’d accuse you of being insecure and ignore your concerns..
They might then disappear into another room, claiming they need to finish something and will be back soon. Or they’d say, “I was trying to spend time with you, but if you’re going to act like this, I’m leaving.”
Sometimes, they’d give you the silent treatment for days or even weeks, like little kids throwing a tantrum..
What they really want is for you to chase after them. They don’t want you to cut them off, they want you to keep seeking their approval and inflating their ego. They need people who feed their ego, stay caught in their manipulative game, and believe their fake persona.
Realizing a parent or loved one is a narcissist is a painful truth, but it’s the first step toward breaking free from their toxic grip.
Imagine the narcissist you’re dealing with is someone in their early twenties, like a close friend or a colleague. They might just be starting to create chaos in other people’s lives. It’s hard to face. Or maybe it’s a family member you’re thinking about.
How many times did you try to break free from a family member who was a narcissist, even before you understood what that meant?
You probably spent years trying to keep them happy, maybe going out of your way to help them with their problems or attending events where they barely noticed you. They’d find fault with everything, from not doing enough to not achieving what they expected.
They were always critical, but you kept returning, hoping things would change..
Then, one day, it hit you. You realized, “My friend is a narcissist. My family member is a narcissist. I’m done with this.” You saw through their act and understood they didn’t care about you or value you. They were just draining your energy. It’s a hard truth, but it’s the reality.
Younger narcissists are just beginning to cause chaos in others’ lives, but their actions will eventually catch up with them.
Younger narcissists, whether they’re in their twenties or even younger, are just starting to learn how to mess with people’s lives. Imagine someone in their twenties who’s using social media and dating apps to juggle several relationships or fake ones.
They love making people wait, setting up plans and then backing out at the last minute with excuses like, “I got a flat tire” or “I forgot, sorry.”
Sometimes, they just don’t respond at all..
The person waiting for them ends up sitting around, wasting their time and energy. This is the basic pattern of narcissistic abuse, a cycle where the narcissist always causes trouble.
Remember, all the harm they cause will eventually come back to haunt them. No one escapes the fallout from their actions. We all have our own problems, make mistakes, and have regrets, myself included.
We’ve worked to better ourselves, while narcissists thrive on causing chaos and intentionally hurting others.
So, what about us the ones who’ve really tried to understand ourselves and learn from our mistakes? We’ve owned up to what we’ve done wrong, made things right where we could, and worked on improving ourselves. We’ve pushed ourselves to grow and reach our best.
Now, compare that to the narcissist. They’ve done way more damage than we ever could, especially when it comes to messing up people’s lives.
They’re like a wrecking ball, intentionally ruining relationships and causing chaos..
Maybe you’ve hurt someone’s feelings once and felt bad about it. You learned from it and figured out how to handle things better next time.
But for a narcissist, breaking people’s hearts is part of their game..
They get a kick out of the drama, feeding off the chaos they create, and then tossing people aside like they’re nothing. That’s how they get their validation and energy.
Narcissists may pretend to change, but they remain stuck in their destructive patterns, eventually facing the consequences of their own chaos.
Narcissists don’t change. They never look at their own actions, apologize, or try to get better. They’re stuck in their own mess and don’t know how to fix it. Instead, they’ll try to trick you into thinking they’ve changed. They might say they’re the victim, that they’ve been to therapy, found true love, or really miss you.
But these are just tricks to pull you back in..
Eventually, all the harm they’ve done and the chaos they’ve caused will come back to them. It might not happen right away, but it will. Imagine them in a crappy motel, their phone ringing non-stop, the TV turned up loud, and the door left wide open.
The place is a dump, cockroaches everywhere, empty cans lying around and they’re just trying to deal with their own mess..
This kind of thing happens in different ways. Narcissists will often take time to “RESET” and recharge before they put their act back on and start manipulating people again. Just keep this in mind when dealing with them.
Narcissists never change, and their bad energy eventually catches up to them, but breaking free from their chaos opens up new opportunities for you.
So why do all the bad vibes eventually catch up with narcissists? It’s because they never change. They don’t take responsibility or try to improve. They keep making trouble and causing chaos while pretending they’re perfect.
They even blame others to make it look like everyone else is the problem..
The truth is getting out that narcissists are the real toxic ones. I hope you’re figuring this out, cutting off contact, and getting stronger and more aware.
You’re learning that you need to put yourself first..
This is a big deal. When you really get this, you’ll reach a point where you just don’t care about the narcissist or anyone else from that messed-up part of your life.
Focus on what you’ve learned from the past and stay in the present..
That’s where new opportunities will start to open up for you. Many people I’ve worked with are already seeing these new chances, but they only come after breaking free from the toxic relationship. If you’re still stuck in that negativity, those chances won’t come.
Wrap it up
Remember to cut off those four key connections with the narcissist: emotional, financial, physical, and spiritual. It’s really important for your healing. That’s it for today’s article. I hope you found it useful, I loved writing it here in beautiful Indonesia. I’m Ryan Hwa, sending you lots of good vibes. True change begins with a spark.
Before I finish it as usual, a couple of quick things. Just because the narcissist might be with someone new doesn’t mean they’re happy. They’re still stuck in their toxic patterns, and the same problems you had with them will probably keep coming up.
The new partner is just giving the narcissist what they want, like money, attention, or validation.
The cycle of manipulation keeps going..
The only way to really protect yourself is to stay no contact. You’ve learned why this is so important.
Don’t be fooled by appearances..
Even if they’ve been with their new partner for a while, it doesn’t mean their life is perfect. Behind closed doors, they might still be causing the same old problems like gaslighting, neglect, or worse. These issues don’t go away just because they have a new partner.
The truth is, their life isn’t as great as they might make it seem..
They’ll start to fall apart eventually, just like a used car loses value the moment it’s driven off the lot. This could be happening now or might start soon.
I’m not wishing anyone harm, but it’s important to focus on yourself..
Work on making your own life better and don’t waste time on negativity or giving the narcissist another chance.
I hope you found my article informative and helpful.
Please let me know what you think, God bless you, Love you all, and take care!
Check out our publication about Narcissism if you want to learn more or join us to write: Me and Narcissism
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